Time to focus on what is ahead...
Some of you who recently stopped by might notice something missing. I removed the first part of what was planned to be a several part posting about my sister, Nancy, who passed away in December. At the time I wanted to capture some early events that transpired in December, Nancy's passing on Dec. 31st., thoughts about the wonderful memorial service that happened January 6th., and things I still think about--the value of life and treasure we all possess in having time to live life.
At the moment, I just do not have the time to construct the thoughts adequately the way Nancy would certainly deserve then to be presented. She was a lovely, spontaneous, and caring person, who in may ways really had it rough for about 10+ years. The early suspect causes and medical assessments are too complex and personal (in my opinion) to post on the web. And so that is another reason I removed the earlier posting, just so you know part of the reasoning.
Another part of the reasoning involves one of the main goals I had when I first created this blog, which at the time was just sort of a way to stick my toes into this writing medium, and check the temperature before diving in. I digress. Then--as in now--the goal is to capture little vignettes of scenes, experiences, and life events as they happen. I view this blog as a camera of a sorts, snapping moments in time because that time will most likely be gone forever after the moment passes.
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2 comments:
No! No-no-no! :( I had no idea! I'm so sorry!
Bennie, writing ANYTHING about the ones we love who pass on is a difficult thing. You want to do them the honor but you start to compose and you have to stop, and I know exactly why. It's just... It's not easy because at the same time that you want to put it all to words, it's also killing you to remind yourself in that way...that they're now gone.
In a week's time I remember how it was all thrust upon me when my mom died in 2007 of cancer. It was slow torture. I had to take her to all these treatments, which weren't working. My car had been totalled just a couple weeks before she died. Half my income was going to rentals while I hunted down a replacement. At the same time I was having to take care of all her last minute details in her final affairs because she hadn't done it as she said/thought she had, and by then she wasn't able to do it, herself. Then she died and I suddenly found myself being forced to go through acres of boxes hunting down photos, forcing myself to peruse memories, all to try to come up with an adequate final video to show during her service, and to come up with a eulogy on my own. See...Trent's gone. He's in jail. That's another blog entry. At the same time, I had some 6 hams stalking me... (The latter I'd actually confided in Nancy. [sigh] She must have thought I was a total nutcase, then.)
I'd always wanted to eventually put together something of a longer, better memorial video; or maybe something written. Alas, I've just NOT been able to bring myself around to do it.
I will when I feel strong enough. I know. But I know this... I'll NEVER try to rush anyone to get over something, to hurry along their grieving. Everyone grieves in their own way, in different lengths of time. It's NEVER good to hurry someone through. To do so risks an inadequate grieving process, and that could cause a number of problems for that person, later.
Take your time. Take...YOUR...time. If you must, add to it little by little, when you feel like it...when you feel ready. Take as long as you need to to grieve. Take as long as you need to compose. But you know, find your closest friends, and never leave them out of the process. And...quiet time alone is okay, too, whenever that becomes neccessary.
Odd thing for me was...in my Mom's death, I met Kathy. Oddest thing. Had to go through some stuff in a storage unit that Mom had been renting from her. Mom once had a small business at the Waldo Flea Market. That's how we met. Mom had some leftover stuff from the old shop still in storage. I was examing what was there, paying a bill. Kathy had lost her husband a year or so before. We talked. I invited her to the service. We started hanging out. It helped make it a little easier. We're living together now, in northwest Gainesville.
(sigh) Yah, know what? Next time you're here, let's grab a bite at an old hangout...Leonardo's. Or even better...Big Lou's Pizzeria! Awesome hand-tossed, old fashioned-style pizza. I'll buy. :) We can talk about old times, new things, and make a toast to Nancy...
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